Ego: the ugly (non)truth

I think one of the hardest things in the world is to wrangle in our thoughts and transform them, especially when they are negative! It is much easier to drown than it is to float… I’m not sure why that is really? It feel so good to float… euphoric. We don’t like to wallow in self-pity, we can’t stand it when others do, we don’t enjoy feeling “less than” nor do we like to feel all of the heaviness… I believe we all want that “one thing” to save us from drowning, mostly to save us from ourselves.

So, why do we give in every single time that feeling of anger, frustration, judgement, disappointment, jealousy, distaste, disregard, or feelings of the such come in? They aren’t always swarming in, giving us warning, no… most of the time they creep in, steady. Suddenly, we find ourselves consumed by them and allowing them to then play a role in our lives: we become our thoughts, and when they are not pretty, neither are we. Stress, anxiety, darkness, haste, rudeness, and complete stupidity is basically what has now stepped in. We say things because we are hurt, maybe frustrated, maybe just lost… whatever driving emotion led us here has turned us into the worst version of ourselves. Who is this? This is not me! Oh but it is… it is our ego! 

Why is our ego so strong and how are so many seemingly able people succeeding to not allow their ego to take the driver’s seat? Well, our ego is our thoughts… thoughts of past, thoughts of future (side note: the future doesn’t even exist yet so why are we so worried about it), and being locked away from the present. Our ego likes to worry about “what if I don’t get this done? promotion? succeed? what if it happens again?” and traps us in our past – rehashing old issues, mistakes, decisions, hurts. What good does any of this do? Hopefully we have learned from our past mistakes to not make them in the future, and in regard to future, hopefully we have one and that the goals and actions we are taking make for a brighter one. Move on. Let go. Be present.

Much (significantly) easier said than done. Am I right?

I fail at this all of the time. I drown in my thoughts, my ego takes charge…. I am weak. No matter how many times I talk myself out of the madness of my thoughts, whether they are about others or myself, I fall victim every time. Just when I think I have figured it out and have my “beautiful” or more positive method the next time, that ugly ego comes back again.

So, what can we/I do to free myself from your/my ego?

Choose LOVE. I know that sounds corny and broad, but it’s so true! You see, every time I have altered my thoughts toward only those of love, the feelings of fear or anxieties dissipate. It’s true. How is that possible? Because they are not real! My mind created them… I placed these thoughts upon myself, projections of my own insecurities. How mean! I was witness to this during my eleven years of coaching high school girls… the more that they, we, and their parents focused our season and mission on love than anything else, we soared… when any of us became our ego, it was bad, painfully bad! This also happens every day in relationships with people, we all bare witness to this every day. Possibly in our marriages, with our children, neighbors, friends, and family. We all want to see others do well and live a great life right… so let’s choose love. Show. Give. Receive. Be. LOVE.

Another trick is like I mentioned in my “dirt” post: put yourself in time out, give yourself a different perspective. For me, gratitude helps tremendously. We may hate our job, financial situation, co-workers, medical condition, age, body, living situation, etc. but what we are doing is being a complete jerk to ourselves and others with this sort of take on life. There is always someone out there that would give anything to be in your shoes you see… to have a job, to have a child, to have their health, to have your body, to have a home, to have a penny of their own, for one more day… things are tough for everyone and everyone has their different experience through it all, none are worse nor greater than another. We can’t be the ones to say so, to judge, to compare. Threshold. We all have different thresholds. Back to my thoughts on gratitude… if we can focus on even one thing we are grateful for, it is really hard to be “down and out” when we have that grateful feeling in our hearts and present in our minds. There are no guarantees in this life and no one owes us anything. Everything, every breath, every moment, every person, every act… it is all a gift, one to be grateful for. 

Finally, this one is the kicker for me… I can’t tell you enough how much I hate this one! STOP COMPLAINING!! The problem of our complaints is that they are just the stories that we keep telling ourselves, and just like some tall tales that as kids we always believed, you tell yourself these stories long enough you will believe them. Our complaints are our shackles and restraints… we fall prisoner to them and we are locked in negativity. Literally. Who wants to hang out with someone who complains all of the time? NO ONE. Once we are trapped in our complaints, we give way for negative self-talk and treatment to take place. This is when we start treating ourselves badly, “what’s wrong with me?” “why don’t they like me?” “why? why? why?” and man is that ever heavy, burdensome, and point blank awful. 

The ego wants to win, keep you separated from others, from positivity, from love, from life… after all, it is the ego, right?!? 

Work on dissolving the ego… one day at a time. Don’t worry or focus too much on the self-improvement stuff… let that go. Just pull out your journal (yes, we should all have one) and write some things down: write about love… who do you love, what do you love, what/who loves you, acts of love, etc., what are you grateful for (make a list). Even if you can only write one thing down… write it down! Do that one thing. Keep writing, keep taking that one step forward. Before you know it, you may have an entire journal to reflect upon and you just might find yourself free from ego, or at least freer than you were the day/week/month/year before.

Go Beautifully… start with LOVE.





    Ego is a great discussion. It’s a tough one to conquer but one I would like to ‘beat down with a slap stick’! Super great stuff you discuss in your blog. Thank you!

  • Will Gonzalez

    I read this article in the huffington post about the pros and cons of an ego. It was interesting how the ego gets a bad rap but there are important parts about having a healthy ego. The article discussed training your ego to help you instead of hurting you. Empower you instead of beating you down.

    Just like you described here I think it’s a thought pattern to break, change or concur steps at a time. I really like the journal idea for looking back on your thoughts in the moment. I like the idea of that to look back at how I see things when it is all happening compared to a clear head space.

    Thank you for sharing Chandra

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